Where We Stand on Martinis

Just as a black tuxedo, the little black dress and National League baseball will never go out of style, the same can be said of the martini. It's important for us to relay where we stand on this beverage by laying down some of our house rules:

Three martini cocktails in martini glasses on table.

If an adjective appears before "martini," such as chocolate or mango, then it is most definitely not a martini.
A properly made martini contains both vermouth and gin (and vodka in cases of extreme emergency, juniper shortages or when summering in a Russian dacha); however, the ratio is up to you. We suggest a 4:1 ratio in favor of gin. The bartender who waves a bottle of vermouth over the glass without dispensing any of the fortified wine does not know the craft and is not to be trusted with your secrets.
Dirty it up, if you must.
Garnishes should complement the base spirit. Olives, onions and lemon twists are not interchangeable, so get to know the flavor profiles of a few gins.
The martini is situational and celebratory. One should never drink a martini when in a bad mood or while wearing jorts;
Although it may sound like a good idea at the time, martinis make for a terrible nightcap.
The urge for a second martini in rapid succession after the first is best tempered by a lap around the party and some light conversation.